My Story

At first when I decided to write this blog I thought about doing a poetry response. But one day I was at church and I thought, Why not write my story?

So basically, I’ve been in church since I was born; just like many other people. I accepted Christ at an early age, and I don’t even remember how old I was. I was going to MJCA so I thought I was pretty secure in my decision to accept Christ. I would have no problems.

I left MJCA to go to West Wilson Middle for seventh and eighth grade. My mom wanted me to experience what it was like not to be in a Christian environment. In a Christian environment, there is always this barrier between the rest of the world and you. In a sense you don’t know the way people act and speak because they don’t know that it’s not right and you’d get in trouble for it in a Christian school. When I went to West Wilson, a lot of things changed in my life. People are definitely wrong when they say that their surroundings don’t affect them at all. The people around me definitely affected me. I started saying things I shouldn’t have said, and I acted very rude to many people. I did go to church, but that didn’t mean anything to me. Church was just like “whatever, if I have to go, I’ll go.” I’ll admit I was even a little embarrassed to talk about God and the Bible at school.

I came back to MJCA, and I was a little upset. Back at that time, I would have rather stayed at public school. Of course, I had no say in the matter, and I returned. I renewed my friendships with the ones I left back in sixth grade. I had a façade . . . even with my friends. I didn’t let on how I really felt. I just showed them this happy side when I was really angry inside.

Church to me got a little better. In January, we had a guest speaker, Junior Hill, and he was very profound and truthful when he spoke. You know when at the end of a service they’re calling people down to the front? And they say something along the lines of a rapidly beating heart and sweaty palms? Well, I had that same feeling. I thought my heart would explode because it was beating really hard, and I thought I would be sick with nervousness. I went up to the front, and they took me to some stairs, and I told them what was going on in my life. I told the woman that the only reason I had accepted Jesus earlier was because I wanted attention, and I wanted more friends- something I didn’t get. I dedicated my life to Christ that day. It was January 13, 2008.

In April, I started drifting away and not reading my Bible, and I conformed to what the world wanted. Church was still good; I enjoyed it, but I was sure not to say something I didn’t mean. Months and months passed again. Many things had been going on in my heart and mind. I was so confused, and I didn’t know what to do. One day, my youth pastor’s wife told all of us how she wasn’t a Christian, but she thought she had been over the years. I’m sitting there thinking, “Whoa! That’s amazing”; that following Wednesday, my youth pastor’s friend came and told us what he’d gone through with his relationship with God. I was thinking how this must be some sign from God saying, Listen up, Hannah. It’s time to get things right with Me. So I did. But once again life got in the way. The morning when I didn’t read my Bible I knew the cycle of my relationship with God would return back to how it was before.

A couple weeks ago I became friends with a girl in my Sunday school class; her name was Jasmine. We had never talked before and our Sunday school teacher told us we had to share our testimonies with a person. I was honestly dreading the following Sunday the moment she said that. So that following week Jasmine and I were paired, and we talked about our life experiences and what was going on with our relationship with God. I was really glad I told her. I felt so relieved for finally telling the truth to Jasmine and not having this feeling of secrecy and finally taking the Christian façade off.

Now, things hit closer to home whenever someone mentions God. For instance, when someone takes His name in vain, it hurts. His name is to be respected and honored. We shouldn’t use it in such an unholy manner. The adversary definitely wants you away from God. As you can see, I’ve experienced it many times. The farther away from God the better because he knows you won’t be a problem to him; the adversary knows what your weaknesses are and will use them against you. When I think about it sometimes I feel disappointed in myself for not wanting a relationship with the One who created me in His image. I feel like I’m more mature now than I was then. I know I’m going to mess up in life and people are going to judge my actions. But really, it doesn’t bother me because in the end, there’s only One person who’s going to judge my actions righteously- God.

-Hannah G.